By Rhiannon Waits
It is not our job to give out wings and halos!
The word “Death” is often used to describe the process of a spirit parting its earthly vehicle. This procedure totally changes the lives that the spirit had bonded with through out its journey with the body. Most cannot communicate with the spirit after this happens and it causes a traumatic loss and gut-wrenching pain. The ones who can still communicate with the spirit are still at loss because they can no longer speak at will, receive hugs, or plan their daily lives with them. In addition, in spite of the spiritual awareness that has progressed in today’s world, many who know that you communicate with spirits will label you crazy or demonic. Of course, a few will call you a fraud because there are many people out there that do take capitalize off the loss of others.
I hope you will remember a few things from this chapter/article when you decide to console someone, over the “death” of a mate. First, remember that they have not only lost this loved one, but their entire life’s future has been ended. They had planned on their complete life with this person being part of it. When the “death “occurred, it completely ended all plans they had made for their life with their mate. They have suffered a major loss. They are in shock and do not want to hear how they will meet someone else nor do they want to hear how life will go on. Just tell them you are there for them and will help anyway you can.
If you are the one suffering the loss, you will not relate to my writings until some time has past. You will go through many mood swings, with one being angry for being left behind. Believe me, I understand because I have walked in those shoes. Yet being a medium has helped me assist others through many transitions. Some of the most amazing lessons I have learned has came from those spirits. I am thankful for the lessons yet even with my abilities being what they are; I still miss my loved ones that have crossed over. Being a medium does not stop that pain.
In talking to spirits, several have relayed their dismay at their memories being altered by removing the rough spots and fluffing up the good things. Most feel that they were not perfect and there is no shame in remembering this about them. If you loved them in spite of their imperfections while alive on this side, then please love them in “Death” while their spirits are on the other side. They would like their lives to assist others along their own path, not doctored, perfected, and padded when recalled.
I had done such with my own mate, Bil after losing him to a massive heart attack. Each time I spoke of him, I would remember only the way he could made me laugh and how much love he had for me. I would push aside memories of his bad temper, harsh words, and human mistakes. After a few months of my selective memories and creative analogies, we could have inducted Bil into sainthood.
One day after I had blew up at one of the children and was wishing I had handled it better, I heard Bil tell me it was okay. He told me I was human and that making mistakes is part of our learning lessons while on this earth. Our lives are to be guidelines for others and where we faltered, others will see and bypass it. He then told me that by not showing the mistakes he made that I am not allowing others to use his life as a study guide. He was human and not ashamed of it. He said I was not to try to put angel wings on him, that it was not my job. Each lesson in life he learned was because of mistakes and hardships and he had weathered them all. For me to hide his imperfections was not fair because he had lived a full life of ups and downs, mistakes and successes and each was a hard earned victory. He compared it to winning the Winston cup without ever having to race. It would be a hollow victory. He did not want the saint status I had awarded him. He wanted only what he had earned.
It times I still catch myself editing our life together and
when I do I will remember his words. I loved him for all his good and in spite
of his bad, so I have to say it just as it was. Bil was not a saint, and he was
not perfect. Bil had a bad temper, was overly protective and jealous. He would
give a stranger the shirt off his back and share his home and food with a
homeless man. (He has done this). Being in
Although it is not our jobs to hang wings on the backs of our loved ones, it is our job to carry their names and recall the history of their life’s path accurately to assist others along their path. Show them on the other side that we still love them for who they truly were.
This lesson is about loving them enough beyond their “death” to tell the truth. It is about being truly proud of who they were instead of inventing who we wanted them to be.
The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.
George Eliot (1819 - 1880)
Character is what God and the angels know of us; reputation is what men and women think of us.
Horace Mann (1796 - 1859)
What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply.
Sonia Taitz, O Magazine, May 2003
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